Romper Room 2

The houses of Chesterley and Three Bed Two Bath joined forces last night for a lovely evening. You may recall when I first met Hugh's Missis a while back; she and Wife met at a Kindermusik class here in SCT. Hugh and I go back to high school in the 80s, though we've not seen each other since then. So, we all sung a round of "It's a Small World After All," ate pizza, attempted to keep up with our children playing in the back yard and basement of Chesterley, threw the ball to Chester himself till he puked (oops!), and really had a great time!

Chester is just fine now, by the way. Must have been a stomach bug.

Moose was actually quite social last night, when normally he keeps to himself around those he doesn't know very well. I guess it takes good people to bring out the socialite in him. Thanks 3B2B folk!

Hugh played our piano so his D#1 could sing for us: very cute. I was reminded of when Hugh was one of the choral directors of a student-run musical I was fortunate enough to be cast in during my freshman year in high school. Who would have thought 20 years later he'd be playing piano for his DAUGHTERS and my SON in my living room?? Wow. Guess we're all grown up now.

Thanks for a nice evening, everyone! Hope to have another gathering sometime soon.

Dramatis Personae

Given the growing list of characters featured in this blog, I just added a cast list immediately underneath the profile box.

I must admit, I really enjoy tinkering with the background details of this blog.

"I can see clearly now, the rain is gone..."

Last night I stayed up late and finally finished up the pilot study. Really late. At 7:15 AM today I went to bed. Yep. That was about 45 minutes after Wife and Moose rose for the day. Wife woke me up about 90 minutes later to make sure I got to campus in time for my 10:00 AM meeting with DC (that's Dissertation Chair).

All went quite well with the meeting. I gave DC the completed pilot study so she'd have plenty of reading material (35 pages) for a trip she's taking this evening. She seemed pleased. I explained that writing this piece was a bit like assembling an orchestra for the first time. Each part had been well-rehearsed beforehand, but pulling the full rehearsal together for the first time was a little noisy. That made her laugh. "You and your wife with these musical jokes!" she said. The paper isn't publishable just yet, but it's a COMPLETED draft. My Incomplete from last semester should turn into some sort of passing grade sometime soon. Hopefully, DC will work with me on submitting this piece for publication somewhere, later on down the road.

An aside: During the writing session last night, I received an email informing me that my proposal to present the results of this study were accepted at a well-known higher education conference next March. Woohoo! That certainly gave me the motivation to get the thing done last night!

Back to my meeting this morning: We then had a great discussion about my dissertation, the method, the timeline, etc. It was good. I needed the feedback. I've been feeling too disconnected from the faculty this semester since I'm no longer in coursework and I really haven't started writing the dissertation proposal. I've been catching up on these lingering papers (no feedback from Program Advisor, unfortunately), learning about Moose's autism, dealing with flat-on-the-back allergies, eating bon-bons: you know, the usual. Today's feedback was well-timed. I admit I was getting grumpy during these past few days, but now I feel I have a better direction.

I'm extending the timeline on the dissertation, but that's not a huge surprise. The new anticipated complete date will be August of 2007. It makes sense: I can take my time writing a solid proposal this spring. Data collection will happen in the fall and spring of the 2006-2007 academic year, and I can write up the results next summer. I may look for a full-time position for next year during the data collection process. We shall see. It's taking me longer than I had hoped, but "life happens" (I'm quoting a supportive DC), and I'm just pleased finally to have a plan that I can actually see working.

OK, this is getting too long. I'm off to bed now, for the second time today.

Flow - Finally!

I don't know what it is, but I'm focused and productive today. I haven't felt this sort of "flow" (Csikszentmihalyi, 1990) (apologies to Lemming for the citation, but I couldn't help it!) in a long time. Looks like I'll finally get the pilot study out of my hands very soon. Part of this is due to the fact this f-cker needs to be done by 10:00 AM Wednesday, before Dissertation Chair leaves town: I'm supplying her with reading material for her plane ride. There's nothing like a solid external deadline for promoting internal focus.

When I experience productivity like this, things don't seem so daunting, and the sky is no longer falling around me. How 'bout that? I gain more confidence in my writing ability. What's hard for me is dealing with so little feedback so much of the time, and that's probably where I get stalled, emotionally. So, I look to Wednesday morning as an opportunity to gain some feedback from Dissertation Chair (DC for short?) which usually inspires me to keep going.

I'm pleased to announce that today's productivity actually happened within the home Office/Prison! If I can keep up with this, than my life may become more simple. We shall see. I'm sure I'll need to get out of the house hither & yon.

Let's see how things are continuing to flow tomorrow.

Csikszentmihalyi, M. (1990). Flow: The psychology of optimal experience. New York: HarperCollins Publishers.

My Motivation Lacketh

In my early 1990s college days, a popular phrase to use when people would complain about a large amount of work they had to do was "Sucks to be you!" Also, when complaining about one's own large workload, one could say, "Sucks to be me!" A friend of mine used the following remodeling of this phrase, which I prefer:

Aye. For to be me, it sucketh now.

Perfect timing for that phrase today. I'm unmotivated, as the weather is nice, there is a yard to be tended (which I enjoy), etc., and yet I'm stuck inside finishing up this last pilot study write-up. I've learned what I'm going to learn from this study long ago. Now the act of writing it up is external to my motivational core, if you will. Ida is back (that is, my friend Ida Wanna), and she's pulling me out the door of the Office/Prison to go play and have fun.

I guess I better start focusing on being motivated by the feeling I'll have when all of this external stuff is done. And at least the Office/Prison is clean. Yeah yeah, yada yada and all that stuff. YOU try to find motivation to work on a 69-degree sunny mid-November day, OK?

What's your hidden talent?

This one made me happy, though I probably err on the side of communicating a little bit too much!

Your Hidden Talent

You are a great communicator. You have a real way with words. You're never at a loss to explain what you mean or how you feel. People find it easy to empathize with you, no matter what your situation. When you're up, you make everyone happy. But when you're down, everyone suffers.

What's Your Hidden Talent?

Tuesday Focus

I'm back at the cafe now. I had a helpful meeting with Pink Princess today who is making good progress through her first chapter. I helped her with some edits. In return, she's pushing me to finish up this pilot study this week. Good plan! If I can focus and follow her idea, then I MAY be on track for getting into my actual Dissertation Chapter 1 next week. Don't hold your breath, but man would that be exciting!!!

I'm off to grab lunch and get back into this stuff. While I like this initial study, I think I'll like it even more when it's complete. The next post or two may be to help me process all the stuff in my head related to the study...we'll see.

K, bye.

Allergy Update

I went to an allergy specialist in town. They have a large operation for a town of this size, and I was pleased to see it's a husband-wife team who are both DOs, or Doctors of Osteopathy. My sister-in-law is a DO general practice doc, and they tend to blend the use of medications with things that are more natural. For example, Moose and I both get craniosacral therapy once in a while, as recommended by a DO (it's the COOLEST, by the way).

Anyhow (wow, BIG digression there! I'm wide awake this evening), I had my shoulders and arms pricked and be-shotted about 90 times (I'm not exaggerating) in a half hour to learn that I'm allergic to four types of "major molds" (both outdoors and indoors) in addition to dust mites. At least I finally know what the hell has been going on with me this fall. Now I'm hopefully on the proper medications.

Hey, I was able to rake leaves without my head exploding, so the stuff must be working!

Onward and Thitherward

Alright, I finally turned in that doggone paper this morning via electronic mail. I didn't quite meet my self-imposed deadline, but the professor won't know it, nor do I suspect he'd mind. "Subfusc" remained in the paper, and after all that I think I indeed learned something from the exercise (fear not, I'll spare you the gory details). Still, this was the longest 12-page paper I've ever written! Far longer than the 30-pager I'm working on now to finish up the final incomplete from last semester (this one's the dissertation pilot).

I guess having my qualifying exams in the middle of the semester really kicked my ass more than I care to admit. Perhaps summer would have been better? Ah, who cares. They're over, gone & passed.

Anyhow, I rewarded myself for finishing the paper by having a beer at lunch (something I rarely if ever do), and then I spent much of the afternoon with Moose (pet name for Son) out in the backyard raking leaves. More on leaf-raking in a later post.

Subfusc

From the Dictionary.com Word of the Day site:

subfusc \sub-FUHSK\, adjective:
Dark or dull in color; drab, dusky.

I like it. I'll have to figure out a way to incorporate it into the paper I'm about to complete. How about something along the lines of: "The postmodernist organizational theories described in this section turned the classic theories on their sides and removed a somewhat subfusc shroud from these newer organizational concepts."

Perhaps. This professor may enjoy this sort of description. Then again...

I dunno. I'm actually looking for a word like this that I'd like to attempt to throw into the dissertation at some point, just because I can.

OK, I just need to finish this paper now before I become too prolix!

My last non-dissertation paper is "due" tomorrow.

There, I said it. And even "out loud," so to speak. I need to set a due date for myself and stick to it, even if it requires an all-night writing party tonight. Putting this date up on the blog will (hopefully) make me stick to this deadline. It's not an impossible one.

The paper I mention here is one I need to complete in order to transfer in a course from my master's degree. It's not a tough paper, but it's just not directly related to my dissertation or much else I'm interested in, for that matter. My motivation for this is practically non-existent, therefore, and yet I'm putting this in front of my dissertation priorities because I need it done before I even consider defending my dissertation proposal. However, with other aspects of life going as they have been going lately, I've needed a break from school. Let's call it my "fall break." Net result: nada, nichts, rien, nothing has happened with the dissertation since a few paragraphs were written at the beginning and end of the writing retreat a couple of weeks ago.

Guess I need to give myself a break about this hiatus and get my assets back in gear. Actually, when I reflect on the experience of writing this one last paper, it IS serving the purpose of getting my brain around this literature (organizational behavior) and it COULD help as a part of my dissertation literature review. Or, at least, it could help my thought process on explaining the effects of a university's organizational structure on fostering (or hindering) academic identity development.

Perhaps it's a bit of a stretch, but at this point in my career I need to have a tangible reason for writing a paper!

Wow, this turned out to be a cathartic post. I think I'm actually going to focus a bit more on this bugger of a paper now.

Thanks to anyone actually reading this purge of my rather full brain!

Eyeglasses & Halloween Costumes

I picked up a new pair of eyeglasses this morning, pictured here. This is a very different look for me: a big change from the wire-rims I've had since 2002 (and the only other pair of glasses I've ever worn). Wife isn't going to recognize me this evening, so I'm calling it my Halloween costume for this year! I've seen myself in the mirror and I wonder who the heck that is looking back at me.

Speaking of Halloween, our son is dressing up as a giraffe tonight. It was on sale at the clothing resale shop in town. Wife and I were very pleased that he actually wore the costume, with a head piece and everything, a couple of weeks ago. Big step for someone who hates hats! Let's hope the weather holds up tonight to allow for trick-or-treating.

Random post. I'm procrastinating from writing, which I'm going to get back to doing right...about...now.

Autism Conference 2

Has it really been a week since I've posted? Time flies.

The MAAP Conference on Autism was really quite helpful last weekend. Wife and I learned a good amount of information from the medical, educational, and social points of view. We met many very interesting and warm people. We also had the pleasure of hearing Temple Grandin speak at the conference. She is the author of Thinking in Pictures and several other books on both autism and animal behavior (she has a Ph.D. in the area, which is truly remarkable for anyone, let alone someone with autism). She autographed our copy of Thinking in Pictures. We asked her to dedicate her signature to our son. Someday whenever he starts reading he'll have a really special treasure from this incredible woman.

Naturally we're exhausted and are pretty much on overload from the entire discussion of autism. Nevertheless it was time well-spent. We finally have a good view for what our son's future looks like based on numerous others we met who are living relatively normal, successful lives with autism. It will be slow going for a while, but one promising thing we learned is that the symptoms our son struggles with now will only improve with time. This was VERY encouraging to us; I think this would be harder if Autism was degenerative in nature.

This might take longer than I thought

I keep hearing this statement is a common trend among those of us writing dissertations. I guess I'm not surprised.

The dilemma now is the timing of my data collection (qualitative interviews). One committee member is suggesting waiting till the fall. If Advisor agrees, then my personal plan falls apart. I was hoping to have the data collection completed next semester so I could seek a full-time job starting in the summer. I know that analyzing the data and writing the results & implications chapters on the side of a full-time post would not necessarily be easy. However, I don't know if I can go a fifth year as a full-time doctoral student. Not that I don't love the lifestyle, but the lack of a paycheck is wearing very thin very fast.

There I go again, worrying about things in the future that haven't happened yet, and may never happen. AUGH! If I can focus this week on finishing up the unfinished business from my Writing Retreat, then I'll have a chance to get to a point where data collection CAN happen in the spring.

Thinking positively, I sign off for the evening. Bye.

Autism Conference

Wife and I will attend a conference on Autism next weekend (her folks will come to SCT to watch Son for these couple of days). Click the link embedded into this post's title for more information, if interested.

Temple Grandin is one of the keynote speakers. She is a 50-something woman with a Ph.D. in animal behavior, and she is autistic. She's one of the few people I've ever heard who can actually explain what it is like to be autistic to those of us who are not. She's written several books, and I'm currently reading her second one called Thinking in Pictures: and Other Reports from My Life with Autism. I've only just started it recently, but it's fascinating thus far. While she has a "different" way of communicating and writing, she's communicating nonetheless. The amount of brainpower coming out of this woman is incredible, so it will be a pleasure to have the chance to hear her speak in person.

I've attended numerous conferences over the past 11 years as part of various jobs in higher education. However, I have yet to attend a conference with my wife, so I'm really looking forward to the experience, on several levels.

Request for Technical Assistance

This isn't really a big deal, but I'm just curious: does anyone out there know why the "Technorati" icon isn't showing up in my sidebar? I have a Technorati profile, and the URL and other coding is embedded into the sidebar section of my blog's template near the coding of the other buttons (it's supposed to be in between my Bloglines and Firefox butons). It's not appeared there in a few months, and I'm wondering if others have experienced trouble with this?

I can't stand it when something technical decides not to work for some unknown reason!

But once again, it's really not a big deal in the scheme of things.

First Week after the Retreat

While I don't miss the separation from my family and the self-induced pressure to get a lot accomplished in a short amount of time last week, I do miss the simple life I led. This week has been a catch-up week at work, catching up on the number of hours missed by being away, that is. It went well, but I didn't get anything accomplished on papers and such.

However, earlier this week I asked my minor advisor to join my dissertation committee, and he agreed. I'm excited about this because I like his advising and communication styles. He questions things I'll say about my topic with a simple, "I don't know what that means," or "Tell me more about how that works." If I can't respond to him, then he's found a gap and I have more work to do; if I can respond to him appropriately, then I know I'm on the right track. We have good arguments. These are not arguments that either of us are competing to win. On the contrary, it's a good way to communicate for us because it gets the pertinent issues out on the table. He likes the topic and is an expert at putting together a variety of research studies, so it will be good to have him on board as my Outside Person (i.e. he's from a different academic department).

OK, I'm off to get some writing done this morning prior to when the football games start up on TV.

Writing Retreat - Days 5 & 6

The writing retreat has been well-worth the trip. I finished up a couple of projects that I have been struggling with for a long time, and it's a good feeling to leave those behind me. There is one more that's still looming overhead, but at least I've started it. Starting it is half the battle for me, so I should finish things up pretty soon.

I have lost my steam these past couple of days, so I've not been as productive lately. It's definitely time to go home. Yesterday was slow, but I did finish up Project A officially. Then I spent the evening with an old friend and her family.

Mid-afternoon today when I realized I wasn't getting much done, I chalked it up to needing to get the heck out of this house. Also, weather is nice here today (I HATE allergies!). So, I drove over to my favorite local Lake Michigan beach and just stared at the water for a piece. That was nice. I came back to the house and had a good chat with the couple who lives in the house next door. He's a freelance writer who works at home, so we had a good amount to discuss in that regard! They have kids around the same age as Son, so it was nice to have a good social chat with people in a similar place in life.

Tomorrow is my day to drive home, but not till the late afternoon. I'm taking an old friend to the Bear's game. Should be fun, but I'm really looking forward to a safe arrival home.

Am off now to find a bite to eat somewhere and then to attempt to get a little more work done on this paper before packing up my things this evening. But I expect I'll have a little wine with dinner on my last night in town.

Thanks for reading this week. More once I return to Small College Town (unless I'm so inspired later tonight).

Writing Retreat - Day 4

Well...this wasn't as productive a day as the others, but I did get SOMEWHERE. I'm trying to get through a bunch of reading for Lingering Paper #2, and it's going OK, just slowly.

Tonight was my night to just hang out at Relative's house alone, and it was nice. I ordered my own Chicago-style pizza (mmm) and watched some TV for a bit. Then I spoke with a colleague on the phone for a while, which was very good and provided some much needed social contact from someone who "understands."

I think my allergies are diminishing here a little bit, but I'm relieved I was able to find a replacement for the prescription decongestant I've been on for a while at the local Walgreens. I run out of the stuff tomorrow, and the last thing I need now is another sinus infection. TMI, I know. Sorry, but it's my blog! :-)

Tomorrow will be productive. I'm determined to have a good draft of this Lingerer done before I have dinner with an old friend tomorrow evening.

Writing Retreat - Day 3

This was a productive day in that I good solid draft of Project A, and I shipped it to a colleague who will provide some feedback for me. Then, I started outlining/brainstorming about Lingering Paper #2. I hope to knock out this one tomorrow and have it be over & done with. Frankly I've been avoiding this paper for a while because the topic is very general and I don't have a lot of guidance. Still, it really shouldn't be that difficult, and getting something completed for this is better than having it continue to linger! Send good thoughts my way: this is the one I'm dreading the most of this week.

Spent another evening at the home of my sister and brother-in-law, hanging out with the nephews and helping out with their evening routine. We all wish we lived closer together. Who knows what will happen with our location in the next year?

Solitude

I have a "grass is always greener" relationship with solitude.

In general I'm an extraverted, social guy, especially with people I know well. I often gain energy from being around others. There are times, however, when I become overwhelmed with interpersonal communication and I crave sitting in my cave by myself. And yet, too much alone time makes me pine for interpersonal interaction.

I must admit I was nervous about taking this retreat. Think about it: I purposely took time away from my family and friends, traveled to another state, and am practically locking myself in Relative's home in order to get this work done. Part of me thought, "Am I NUTS? Am I going to lose my mind??" However, another part of me knew I should savor this time and use it wisely."

Fortunately, I've learned to be OK with the rarther brown grassy lawn of solitude this week. While I don't particularly enjoy the alone time, I do enjoy the fact that I finally am feeling productive, more so than I have felt in several months. I'm maintaining a more simple life this week. I desperately miss the companionship of my wife and the playfulness of my son, but I don't miss the feeling of being torn apart by having to choose my studies over my family. These past two days, I've worked during the day and have felt no guilt about hanging out with relatives and friends at night. If I can achieve a similar balance after I return home next week, then perhaps I can start to get my life's balance back? Perhaps I can handle the alone time at home better if I reward myself with family/friend time in the evenings.

You'd think that by the 22nd grade I would have all this crap figured out??

Writing Retreat - Day 2

A grey day hung over Chicago today and it just should have rained! There are few things I do not miss about living in Chicago, but one of them is the grey autumn and winter weather where no precipitation falls from the sky all day long! Oh well: at least I wasn't missing anything as I sat here inside Relative's house at the computer.

It was a productive day, but slower than I had originally planned. I finished up Lingering Paper #1, final draft and all, and I sent it to the professor. Yay!

I started working on "the other project," and I hope to have that finished up tomorrow. I may chunk away at that one tonight in front of the TV.

Tomorrow I need to power away through Lingering Paper #2 as quickly as possible, because I really want to spend most of my time on Lingering Paper #3, the pilot study to my dissertation.

At the beginning of this week, I had grand plans to finish the three Lingerers by the end of the day today and then start on the dissertation proposal itself tomorrow. Now I'm more realistic: I realize that even if I ONLY finish the Lingerers this week, then I'll still be farther along had I not come on this retreat at all. When at home from here on out, I'll only need to focus on the dissertation proposal itself. I hope I can stick to my "realistic" schedule and get all this stuff done this week.

My evening entertainment was hanging out at my sister & brother-in-law's home with their two kids. It was much fun. My brother-in-law even helped me fix a couple of minor issues with my VW. Also, I got to hold my four-month-old nephew several times, which always puts me right to sleep. Zzz...

Writing Retreat - Day 1

I'd say today (well technically yesterday) was a successful first day, even though I didn't get through my entire list. I do have a decent schedule set out for myself for the rest of the week, and I did just about finish Lingering Paper #1. I was reminded about Project A (thanks to a colleague who commented to the post below this one), so I need to get on that in the morning before hitting Lingering Paper #2.

After a day of solitude & writing, and I enjoyed dinner at the home of a good friend from high school and her family. I had not yet met her youngest child, now two years old, so it was fun to play board games with their children and have a good meal with old friends. I stayed there till Midnight catching up! Sign of an enjoyable evening.

The Writing Retreat Begins!

Greetings from the home of Relative, set in idyllic suburban Chicago. I arrived yesterday afternoon and attended a block party that was happening in Relative's neighborhood (I know another couple in the neighborhood). Then I went out for dinner with my sister, brother-in-law (& their two kids) to celebrate their anniversary. Needless to say, it was a nice arrival here. I'm now settled into the house for the next week.

And now it's time to get crankin'. My plan is to focus and be productive while the sun is up. Then I should be able to relax at night. I will exercise each morning (already did that today) and be at the desk as early as I can, when my brain is "on."

I'll probably post here at the end of each day so I feel like I have some accountability on a regular basis. I also have a couple of "foot-tapping" friends back home, waiting to hear about my progress. You know, tapping their foot, arms folded, waiting for a response. Did that joke work over a blog? I dunno.

Anyhow, I have three Lingering Papers, two from last semester and one to revalidate a course I took in my master's degree in 1995. The over-arching plan for the week is to get through the Lingering Papers and have a very good, solid outline for Chapter 1 of The Dissertation. Today I plan to do the following:

• Get a good, realistic schedule planned out for the week
• Finish Lingering Paper #1 (it's about halfway done now)
  
• Do research/outline for Lingering Paper #2 (the revalidation paper I've been avoiding for a while, I must admit)

Stay tuned.

Not THIS Kind of Doctor!

You Should Get a MD (Doctor of Medicine)

You're both compassionate and brilliant - a rare combination. You were born to be a doctor.

What Advanced Degree Should You Get?

Brilliant? Me? I dunno...

I've actually never considered medicine. Interesting questions to ponder, nonetheless.

Opportunistic, yet frustrated

I have a fantastic opportunity, and I don't remember if I've mentioned it. One of my relatives is traveling out of the country for a couple of weeks, so I'm going to house-sit for her and take advantage of the solitude to complete a major portion of the writing done on my dissertation proposal. At least, that's my hope. My generous in-laws are coming to SCT to help Wife with Son while I'm gone. And my mother & sister/family all live near the place where I'm house-sitting, so I plan to have some home-cooked evening meals after what I hope to be productive days of writing. I feel very fortunate to have support from my extended family. I leave this Sunday 10/9 and will return the following Sunday.

I had planned to be much further along in the writing process at this point than I am. However, I'm still working on finishing up an incomplete and this silly revalidation paper, and it's giving me the blues. One of the reasons for not being finished is beyond my control: these allergies are kicking my ass. I've felt under the weather for the past month. Also, I've never experienced an allergy to doing something I LOVE to do for relaxation & focus: being outside. I think it's getting me down more than I realized.

The other reason for not being as far along as I had hoped is probably a bit more in my control: it's the notion of developing a structure for myself and then sticking to it. Sure, I have a set schedule developed: that was no problem for me. Sticking to the schedule...now that's another story. I've found it hard to focus, and I'm not sure what the hell is going on. Suffice it to say that at this point, I'm just so angry at myself that I haven't gone as far as I'd like that I'm probably going to be motivated by my frustration rather than by any structure I try to implement on myself. This isn't necessarily the type of drive I was looking for to plow through this stuff, but nevertheless it's probably going to be the motivator I need.

I tend to work well under pressure, so perhaps I'm scheduling TOO MUCH time for myself to get this work done? That sounds ridiculous. But I'm actually a very fast writer and am often more motivated by a deadline than by much else. So maybe this next week will be a good way to condense a great deal of work into a relatively short amount of time. However, I don't want to bite off more than I can chew. It's sort of a balance there, I suppose.

I will have internet access from the house-sitting location, so I'm sure I'll continue posting in the week to come.

Well, I'm off to attempt to get something completed before heading off to work.

A Diagnosis

Everything went very well at the children's hospital. The day went smoothly (though very long) and our son was his normal angelic self, which frankly was pleasantly surprising with all the new things he encountered that day. We figured he would be crabby at some point, but really that wasn't the case.

The diagnosis from the hospital is indeed autism. This is not a surprise, though it certainly makes us sad. Our plans for today and the next few months certainly are no different as a result of this diagnosis. However our vision for the future is now a big question mark. I guess it will just force us to live in the moment and not worry as much about the future. Living in the present isn't my strong point, but Wife and I can hold each other up throughout this process.

The nice thing we kept hearing is that we're doing the right thing for him now, so we just need to continue onward. We were relieved that we never heard anything like, "You're going to need to change the way you do 'X' with him." On the contrary, they were quite complimentary. This was good to hear since both Wife and I are the types to blame ourselves for these sorts of things.

The preschool he's in now will do its own evaluation by the end of this month. We suspect a similar diagnosis, but it will be interesting to see how it all pans out. The school has been fantastic with our son, so we suspect they'll be part of our team that helps him learn.

So, onward and forward. Son is a great kid, and with any child it's the parents' job to stick by him and help him grow and develop in whatever manner that may be. Wife and I are relieved to have a diagnosis and to no longer be in the dark as to what's going on with him.

A Journey Begins

We're in a hotel in Large City to the North, getting ready for a day-long cognitive evaluation for Son at Well-Known Children's Hospital. Wife and I are feeling quite ready for any diagnosis that may come about as a result of the day. At least we'll know SOMETHING!

More later. Suffice it to say it's the beginning of what will be a very different day for our family.

VW Blues

I absolutely love driving my 1999 VW Jetta, Wolfsburg Edition (the last of the older-style Jettas). However, I do not like owning this car. I'm thankful it's paid off and the engine runs well. However, the DUMBEST things get messed up on this car, and it always ends up costing an arm and a leg. A "check engine" light often means $700 or more. This has been an all-too frequent occurrence lately. Also, three of the four electric window motors has broken...two times EACH. The speedometer/tachometer work only about 50% of the time, and that's a $500 repair. It's a very frustrating car on the one hand, and on the other hand I absolutely love driving it.

And now the latest: the glove compartment latch broke, and I can't get it open. Why I oughta... Contents of the glove box include:

• registraion
• insurance card
• owner's manual
• tire gauge
  
• a box of Altoids
• a small squirt gun (hey, I always travel prepared)
• a pad of Mad Libs for road trips
  
• and - if you can believe it - two pairs of driving gloves. One must keep at least 1 pair of gloves in one's glove compartment. I hardly ever actually use them, but nonetheless they form the defining factor of said glove compartment.
  

I kinda need that tire gauge right now, not to mention the fact that I (ahem) would like that box of Altoids handy. And I'm supposed to go to Chicago next weekend, so I'd like access to the registration & stuff just in case. Guess I need to make yet another trip to the auto place this week. Glad I found a spot other than the dealer that works with foreign cars.

ARGH!

Cafe Commentary

One of the things I like about working in the cafe is the variety of people I see here. It keeps me feeling in touch with reality during a time where I need to spend time alone (something I don't particularly enjoy very much). I've said it before, but I just love this place.

From where I sit, I see businesspeople having power lunches, students like me studying alone, good friends meeting for a drink, and even a painter painting what appears to be the inside of the cafe itself (based on how she's looking around the room). I wonder if I appear in the painting?

OK, time to focus, or else my Cousin Dave will come after me with his hatchet.

Administrivia

With numerous components of the doctoral student experience hanging over his head, Rob didn't sleep very much Sunday night. He suddenly realized that he may have missed something with his program of study: the long series of forms required to prove he took the appropriate courses at the appropriate times. He was up half the night looking for forms and syllabi from his Master's degree, trying to find answers to a dozen or more questions that popped into his head.

Around the department, there are many different opinions on how these procedures work. Rob decided to schedule a time with the official Person Who Knows This Stuff (PWKTS, or perhaps PaW KiTS? oh, sorry), from the Graduate Studies office. She has been very helpful to him in the past. He will meet with her tomorrow afternoon, most likely.

Rob can handle working with a great amount of detail in his work. However there are times when Rob can't figure it all out on his own and needs to ask for help. He writes this in the third person, thus removing his emotion and and is attempting to remain calm and objective. He hopes he doesn't need to take yet another class to compensate for a problem he didn't know he was having in the first place.

Stay tuned as the dramatic (ha) story unfolds.

And if you're a doctoral student, stay on top of all this paperwork during your first year, regardless of the advice may you receive from others.

A Date

No, not a date for defending my dissertation proposal or anything quite that productive, professionally. Wife and I had a date Friday night.

Much fun, very much needed. We went with a few friends to Large City to the North (LCN) to eat at a new seafood restaurant where the wood interior was built by the stepfather of one of my colleagues. I'm usually skeptical of getting seafood this far away from a sea, but everything was really very good. Wife knew the original restaurant in this chain from when she lived briefly on the west coast. It was good to get into a 'real' city for a change, and we hope this is the start of a weekly, or bi-weekly, date night for the two of us. Yeah, we don't really have the money for it, but I'll just count my pennies. What's the use in working hard on the degree if you risk losing touch with your own spouse?

So, a good time was had by all.

Early Morning Writing

Ah, it finally worked. I went to bed early last night (induced by a swimmy infected head) and got up before the rest of the family. I got up at 6AM, and by 6:30 I had started writing. A little over an hour later I had written three pages/907 words on my Results section for this pilot study. Yahoo! This is the type of schedule that I had planned on having this semester. Perhaps it's my morning work out?

Granted, I would never share what I wrote this morning with ANYONE! It still needs a lot of tweaking. But at least the start of the creative part is over. Now, hopefully, the rest should just flow naturally. At least for a little while, that is.

To further qualify this, my Results section is really my own interpretation of what the participants in my study said. I find this sort of writing relatively easy. When I get into the thick of my dissertation's literature review next month, that is going to be VERY slow going. So, we'll see if i can keep up the pace then. I sort of doubt it, but it's worth a try.

Progress - at last!

With the medicine kicking in, today was the first day I was able to see straight. I finally finished a first major step with analyzing the data from my pilot study, which I now realize I started last APRIL. Wow. As I've said before, it was a nice summer! Not very productive, but nice!

I've completed a preliminary analysis of the interviews I conducted, and I cut/pasted quotes and other notes into an Access database. Then I could organize the snippets by theme. Glad that's done. Now I can start writing the results section, one theme at a time.

In a previous post I said I had not been very productive this past weekend; however, some progress was better than none. My Princess Colleague seemed to like the progress I had made, even though I intended to give her a draft of this paper. Hopefully, next Tuesday will be my day to get the draft to her, and then I can hopefully turn things into my professor Friday to finally get rid of the Incomplete in her class. A long road, but I think well-worth it. After all, this is all fodder for the dissertation proposal, so I have to keep in mind that finishing this task is also helping me write the dissertation, too. Scary thought!

Two Feet on the Ground

When I was sharing my allergy woes with a friend this morning, she proceeded to tell me and Wife about a particularly rough time she's been having lately, far worse than my allergies. I tried to encourage her by saying, "Hang in there!" Her response has stuck with me all day:

Hanging in there gives me a mental picture of hanging onto a branch extended out over a cliff. I don't think I like that. I prefer to keep two feet on the ground. That way, I can keep moving forward.

Great advice. May we all keep moving forward.

Allergeez 2

MAN I have been sacked by a new allergy this fall. Fortunately, the Health Center here at LMU is fantastic. I've really clicked with one of the nurse practitioners there, and she's helped me figure out what in the world is going on.

Allergies can hit at any age, and the southern Midwest is apparently particularly bad this year with ragweed and goldenrod. It all makes sense now: Chester and I were on a walk recently and I went right past a tall frondy brush that sprayed me with yellow stuff...hi Goldenrod, how are you? At least I think that's what it was. My entire left side of my shirt turned yellow. And guess what side of my head/ear/neck gland hurts the most?

I've been on an antibiotic for about five hours, and I'm already feeling a little better. Head still swims around a bit, but better.

Sorry if this is too much information, but I'm keeping a log of my productive times and my not-so-productive ones. This was a not-so-productive weekend, unfortunately, but it's probably because it felt like my head was wrapped around a tree.

Nice.

Disturbing

I'm having one of those days where I'm about to throw myself into my work because I'm finding what's going on in the news about both the "war" and the hurricane so disturbing. It's very rare for me when work is my escape from things; usually, I need an escape from work. But there are times that working in educational research and running away into Theory World can provide an escape mode, I suppose. While higher education is indeed very connected to the rest of the world's happenings, the particular study I'm working on right now will allow me to escape...at least for a couple of hours.

Broke the "bad" habit

I no longer type with two spaces between sentences. In fact, I was just modifying a document I wrote about a year ago, and I was actually bothered by the two spaces I had typed in between sentences at the time.

Where have I heard it takes 21 days to form a new habit? Well, this took a little longer, but at least the Graduate School will accept my dissertation now.

Organization for the week/Cafe Haze

I'm at the cafe today; I've been here since about 9AM. Good meeting with Colleague today (who actually prefers I call her Pink Princess on this blog) (I'm not making this up! hahaha), and we had a good old fashioned discussion/argument about some constructs I'm working on developing for this study. I love a good argument among friends. She's plugging along on her outline for Chapter 1, while working a full time job that has her teaching two master's courses. I don't know how she holds it together.

I've eaten a healthy lunch, and now I'm getting the Cafe Haze. This is bad. I'll spend a little time web-surfing, then I'll get more coffee and find some focus.

Scholarly goals for the week:

• Finish my data analysis for the pilot study (I have no idea how long this will take)
  
• Finish a draft of the final paper to share with the Pink Princess by next Tuesday
• Write a short paperon My Teaching Philosophy that will get rid of an incomplete grade I wasn't expecting (ah, the hoops through which we must jump)

Personal goals:

• Exercise regularly (had a nice walk with Chester & Wife yesterday morning)
  
• Lose two pounds (translation: stop eating like a garbage disposal...ew)

Presentation Proposal

Earlier this afternoon, I submitted my very first SOLO presentation proposal, based on a research study I conducted last semester. I've always wanted to do this! I've been fortunate to have given several presentations at professional conferences during the past seven years, but I've never been the leading speaker. Let's hope the session gets accepted by the reviewing committee. I hope to turn this into a publishable paper, and the first step involves presenting it at a conference and getting feedback from others in that setting. The conference is in March, and I'll attend regardless of whether this session is accepted, but boy would it be cool to be able to present on my own research study.

I must admit, I'm feeling rather "scholarly" today. Pardon me while I go straighten my mortar board.

Permission Granted!

The reason behind the post immediately under this one came from a very good meeting with my dissertation chair (may good health and happiness follow her: Lemming paraphrase) this morning. She gave me the go-ahead to start writing. Yay! on the one-hand; SCARY on the other. It seems that she has more confidence in the research I've done thus far than I do. I suppose this is a good thing. Time to buckle down and actually dump some of the thoughts I have on my topic into something coherent and readable.

One of the things that continues to amaze me about this doctoral process is the realization that experts, themselves, are still learning. Hearing one's advisor discuss areas of comfort, and discomfort, in the writing process humanizes the whole thing.

I suspect I'll be more prolific with blog posts in the upcoming months as I reflect on this process more & more. Should be an interesting ride.

"You just need to write, Rob!"

A trusted colleague said this to me the night before a major paper was due for my "Higher Education in the United States" course during my second year. We were together in our respective offices on campus (hers is across the hall from mine) and we were keeping each other going through the writing process at the last minute. Of course. I often get extensive outlines and notes on my sources together, etc., but the writing process itself for some reason makes me nervous. So I find ways to stall, procrastinate, etc., until I find myself in a situation where if I don't do the writing, then I simply will run out of time. Invariably, that's what has worked during this degree. Lack of time and urgency of need make me get the work done.

What's funny is that I've consistently received good feedback on my writing throughout my academic career. And my lack of starting early makes me write very quickly. Why do I fear starting the writing process, then? I do enjoy it a great deal, but I think it's almost a fear of commitment: committing the written word to paper. This is silly, I know; word processing changed the permanence of writing. I can just delete, move around, share with others to gain feedback, etc. Why not just write on a regular basis and get over this fear?

I think having this blog has helped me with this process. This is a much more public presentation of my thoughts in written form than most papers will ever be. I need to focus and JUST WRITE!

In the LIBRARY??

Brace yourself. I'm attempting to work in the library. No coffee or "atmosphere" here. Just me, my wireless laptop, and the cube in which I sit. I'm hoping to find focus & structure in here. So far it's looking pretty empty, but I'll let you know if I run across the little buggers later on.

I have a meeting with my advisor tomorrow morning. I realize more than ever that I am only as productive as my deadlines are near. I'm looking forward to the advice and the proverbial kick in the tuchas.

If I can get my thoughts down on paper between now and tomorrow AM, it'll be a miracle. Has anyone seen Miracle Max lately? I need to have a chat with him.

Health

For anyone reading this who is starting a doctorate or is already in one, I provide one bit of advice: TAKE CARE OF YOUR BODY. You're (most likely) far too smart to do otherwise. I share this after an annual physical (annual? OK, it's been 5 years) where I learned I have elevated blood pressure and cholesterol levels. It's nothing out of this world, but geez I'm only 34. And since my father dropped dead from a heart attack less than two years ago, I should probably change my ways.

So don't be an idiot like I've been; stop sitting around, OK?

Natural Disasters

Just about three years ago, the family and I planned a road trip to visit my in-laws five hours away from here. About an hour before we were to leave, a tornado came through the town north of us and went right up along the only major road out of our county. It caused major damage to many homes and businesses, and if memory serves one or two people died in the storm. We did not know the effects of the storm until we attempted to leave town. Had we truly understood the force of such things like tornadoes, I don't think we WOULD have attempted to leave town.

Houses we knew on the drive out of town were entirely gone. There was an field filled with what I could only describe as rubble; I honestly don't remember what had been there. Entire stands of trees were mangled, and you could literally trace the path of the tornado just by looking out into the fields. We drove through this part of the state about one hour after it had been practically ripped in half; it was very scary. It took us three hours to drive to the outskirts of our state's capital from here when it normally takes about 50 minutes. And what we saw along the way was horrible.

This week I keep hearing people say, "I can't imagine what being in Louisiana and Mississippi is like right now." Now, clearly what I saw here three years ago is only a minor, tiny, fraction of the devastation we're seeing on TV reports from the south. But the weird thing is that I feel I CAN imagine what it must be like. I hate it; it's almost like an old wound is coming back, and the tornado here really didn't even directly impact my life. It affected my mind, I suppose, because the images still stick with me. Some of the tornado damage is still visible today. I can imagine what it would be like to be in New Orleans or Mississippi right now. What I cannot imagine is actually being a true victim of either of these natural disasters. As much as I make fun of how poorly built our house is, at least we only sustained a minor leak in our kitchen ceiling as a result of yesterday's rain. The roofer was able to fix it today, less than 24 hours later. How different from New Orleans can THAT be?

Certainly puts any dissertation stress into a different perspective, that's for sure.

Il pleut

It rains. The forecast for the Small College Town area today actually says "tons of rain." I've never seen it quite written that way.

It's nice to have the cafe practically to myself this morning, partially due to the rain, I'd bet. And with the rain has come a great deal of ideas for the dissertation, in terms of the population I may work with and the reasons why they are important to study. I think it's time to feed all this rain into a directed gutter and get some of it written down.

Is that ironic that I'm comparing my notion of focus and commitment to a gutter? Doesn't a gutter connote waste water and something one discards? Nice analogy. I need to get back to reading now.

Allergeez

I've not posted in over a week. I'm not one to complain, but oy I've never had such allergies in the late summer. Ever. I'll spare you the deails, but suffice it to say my head has been swimming in a fog for almost a week. I can't type any exclamation points in this post because that would indicate excitement or a loud voice. No such thing here: quiet voices, dim lights, calm attitude, and plenty of medicine to keep the head at bay. Ick.

I suppose I could understand this happening during my first year living in a different state, but this is my fourth August in this town, so I'm a bit confused here. And nothing, I tell you nothing, can beat the pine pollen in a Southeastern spring. That SUCKS when the windshield turns bright yellow-green from the stuff. This is nothing compared to that...

...so why is my head feeling like a helium balloon??

A Musing on Reading

I have started reading dissertations of those who have completed the doctoral program here at Large Midwest University. This is a helpful exercise for me in that it's helping me to focus and narrow. The notion of getting more narrow is not one I come to very quickly (this last sentence probably made my colleagues who may read this laugh out loud!). However, reading these dissertations have given me some tidbits that provide perspective:

1. One will most likely not change the world with one's dissertation!
2. A dissertation that may appear to have a simple research design is not remotely a simple piece of research. One must truly enjoy one's topic in order to spend the amount of time completing a detailed analysis of literature and data.
3. The dissertation is a completed work of research which has been read and critiqued by numerous others. There is no way that my proposal is going to be nearly as polished, nor should it be.
   
4. Read read read literature of interest, find a gap where data don't quite match up or where more research needs to be constructed, and create a study exploring that gap.

It's interesting to find patterns in these things. I'm reading articles and these studies much more quickly than I read articles for my coursework. I look for the patterns in the different sections. For example:

• Where's the gap noted in the review of literature?
• What type of study is it, and how was the sample selected?
• What are the implications of this study?
• How did the researcher get from the initial formation of research questions to the end results of the study?

Frankly, there are sections of articles I merely skim, especially if I'm reading just to learn more about the construction of the study or about the manner in which a particular type of research is written. With other articles, especially the primary sources, I take my time absorbing the work, understanding the concepts, and reflecting on what I read in order to make connections to other things. It's truly a fascinating process that comes just from reading reading reading.

If you were to ask me HOW I am conducting my study or WHAT the implications are, I couldn't quite tell you just yet. I'm still reading, still learning where the literary gaps are. I finally see an initial gap (praise Moses!), but I need to read some more to see if the gap truly exists or if I'm just missing something. It's an interesting spot in the process for me. It's like I'm on the right road and I know what the destination is, yet I can't quite make out the roads I need to take to get there.

Hopefully the map will soon appear, or at least I'll acquire some cartographic skills pretty darn quick.

Hyundai Sonata dethrones Camry and Accord - Autoblog - www.autoblog.com _

Speaking of cars:

When the residents of Chesterley traveled East over the Independence Day Holiday, we rented car mentioned in the article (click this post's title to read). Now, we didn't request a Hyundai; rather it just was the car they gave us. We were a little hesitant at first: it was a two-hour drive to my grandmother's place. "A Hyundai?" I said. "Are we gonna make it?" I was only half-joking.

I've gotta tell ya, we were impressed. The car was fantastic! Easy to drive, fantastic pick-up, V6 engine, and even a sunroof. And this was an inexpensive rental! Not that I'm in the market to buy a car for at least the next year or so, but I just may look at this one. I'll have to see how it holds up over time, but if the repair record is good, then I may change my opinion of Hyundais.

What's your summer ride?

Your Summer Ride is a Beetle Convertible

Fun, funky, and a little bit euro. You love your summers to be full of style and sun!

What's Your Summer Ride?

What makes me laugh about this is that I really do drive a VW, though not a Beetle. I've had to sink so much money into my almost-seven-year-old Jetta to keep it running that one would actually think I EARN money as a graduate student! Ha. Anyhow, I thought this was a fun little quiz as we near the summer's end.

The Wheels on the Bus...

Son is going to start his second year of preschool a week from this Wednesday. In the past couple of days, we've had some representations of developmental progress. First, he started wearing his little backpack today, which is something he wouldn't tolerate one bit last year.

Second, over the weekend we converted his crib from a "crib" to a toddler bed by installing the toddler rail. He can get in and out of bed on his own. The first night (Sunday) and tonight (so far) were just fine. He went right to sleep. Last night was hilarious: we put him to bed, and a few minutes later we saw him standing in the second-floor hallway, blinking, and looking at me as if to say, "How the hell did I get out here?" We gently took him back to his room, and he eventually fell asleep. All was well. Hearing the pitter-patter of little feet in the morning will take some adjustment, but it's nice to see Son exhibiting behavior that is more fitting of a four-year-old, for a change!

He will travel to school on the bus this year. A little bus, with harnesses and the whole nine yards. This will allow him yet another socialization experience, and it will prevent Wife (and sometimes me) from having to take him to and from school 180 times!!! Some of the other parents say their kids' bus-ride is the highlight of their day, so we hope some of that energy will travel over our way as well.

One thing is for sure: glad I'm not the one starting classes in the fall! Writing a book is plenty enough for this 22nd-grader.

Water

And now, it's time for a post about water.

We had to purchase a new refrigerator about a month ago. How the hell we could afford this on my stunningly small graduate assistantship stipend, I'll never know. Thankfully, Sears had this sale of not paying anything for a year, so perhaps between now and then we'll win the lottery. Or at least a job. So we figured what the f-ck, let's get an icemaker. We can't afford the fridge anyway, so let's spend a little more and get something we'd like.

This is the first time in my entire life when I have an ice maker in my own home. Pretty darn exciting. Even more exciting is the water dispenser that's inside the refrigerator door (if it were on the outside, then Son would sit there constantly and dispense water all over the floor. This would be bad).

I drink more water now. Lots of it. Can't get enough. And there's always plenty of ice. Gotta like ice. Yay water!

I think I lost my brain halfway between the water dispenser and this stack of articles I'm trying to read...

Time well spent

As it turns out, my time back at the Cafe on Tuesday served me well. Had a great meeting with Colleague, and that evening I found a whole stack of articles that are putting me in what I think is a really interesting direction with this Beast. This is good.

Since then, I've sort of embraced the fact that I've had a slow summer, and that's OK. No, I didn't accomplish as much as I thought I would on my schedule, but I'm allowing myself to be happy that I've had a "good," relaxing summer. Perhaps acknowledging the fact that I've had a break will help me get my @ss in gear later on? Let's hope so. I started losing sleep the other night over all the things on my list, so perhaps I'm coming out of my unconscious need to relax. Am probably overpsychoanalyzing all of this. Or perhaps I'm justifying being a slacker?

I must say I've been more affected by Peter Jennings's death than I thought I would be. I truly don't know where I'll get TV news that I trust ever again. Part of the cycle of life, I suppose, but it's still bothering me a bit. I hope someone else is out there who won't dumb down or sensationalize the news, but frankly I doubt that person exists.

Alright, off to work and then onward through yon articles.

Back at the Cafe

Well, at least it's been a nice summer. I've done plenty of "summer" things like going to the beach, going to a baseball game, spending a day at a water park, playing in the sprinkler with Son, etc. I've not had a "fun" summer like this in a long time.

Dissertation? What dissertation?

The fam and I had a nice long-weekend trip to Wife's parents' home in Neighboring State to the North. Son enjoyed himself thoroughly, and his grandparents were glad to have us all crowding up their house.

Dissertation? Huh?

Other colleauges went through the qualifying exam process these past two weekends. I wish them all well, and I'm glad it wasn't me!

Oh yeah, and then there's this dissertation thing.

You know, it's been a while since I've cleaned out the gutters. Yeah, and there's always the mailbox post that needs to be painted. And there's also the...

Oh yeah, the dissertation.

Like I've said, it's been a nice summer. Perhaps I'll start finding motivation to turn into my fall work mood. So far, I'm not there. Perhaps today's cafe work-day will change that? Don't hold your breath. The funny thing is that some of the literature I brought with me today is on MOTIVATION!!!

Sigh.

Spaces between Sentences: One or Two?

I have an old (old? Hey, I'm not old!) habit of typing two spaces between each sentence. I was taught this when I first learned how to type. I started using a word processor in the 1980s during high school, as my father had an office at our home. Even on the word processor, I typed the two spaces between sentences, like the good rule follower I am.

In Microsoft Word, I have my spelling/grammar check set on making sure I have those two spaces between sentences in order to maintain consistency in my writing. The fact that there is an option to watch for these two spaces says to me that this is an accepted writing convention.

In the School of Education at Large Midwestern University (LMU), we use the writing style as determined by the American Psychological Association (APA). Apparently they instruct that one is to put only one space between sentences. I'm trying to do that in this paragraph, and it's driving me nuts. Everything runs together, and one cannot tell the difference between a sentence and an abbreviation. Somebody stop me!

Ah, back to two spaces again. Two colleagues and I have friendly arguments on this point. One believes that Word automatically enters in an extra space between sentences, so there is no need. Not true, says I. The other tells me the LMU won't accept my dissertation with two spaces between sentences; he thinks I should break my "bad habit." Bad habit? Excrement, says I! I've come this far, successfully! APA is not the only style LMU uses for dissertations; surely there are others that require the two spaces. I know of some LMU graduates who submitted dissertations with two spaces between sentences, and they now successfully wear "Ph.D." after their last names.

Any thoughts on this silly little issue, O Fellow Bloggers who employ proper grammar and punctuation?

Social Process of Dissertating

At age 34, I thought creating my own structure to work on writing a book would be relatively easy. I mean, I was a successful director of a small student affairs department at Large Urban Research University-Southeast, if I may toot my own horn. I know how to focus, get work done, and then share the results with necessary constituents. However, finding the structure to work on a topic that itself does not yet have a lot of structure is proving to be more difficult than I imagined. My advisor suggested I get together with another extravert on a regular basis to discuss progress, topics, etc. She knows full well about my need to think out loud.

Her suggestion was a helpful one. I've started regular meetings with Colleague, a fellow fourth-year doctoral student with the same advisor. Of course the meetings take place at Favorite Internet Cafe (FIC?) in SCT. Food intake is an essential part of these meetings (of course), along with endless cups o' java.

My goal for Tuesday is to show Colleague the reading list I've completed and another list I aim to read soon, all organized around topical themes. Hopefully these themes will grow into a structure for the literature review chapter. Her goal is to show me a draft of a survey she's creating as part of her dissertation. She'll collect data this fall, while I'll collect (Lord willing) in the spring.

I'm glad to have finally found a direction in my work and a colleague with a similar way of thinking (all entirely out loud!). Everyone says the dissertation stage is an individual process. I'm not sure I entirely agree with this. While the physical act of writing is individual, the process of getting to the writing stage can be very social, indeed!

Cal me a relieved extravert in this realization.

Focus, my @ss!

The act of finding focus was not my strong point this past week. I'm not too broken up about it, however, though I'm mildly annoyed that I've not yet found my groove for balancing my 20-hour-per-week job with 20 unstructured hours of time when I could be reading & writing the Diss. I feel like I'm missing out on an opportunity, in some ways, by not finding the time. On the other hand, I'm taking a much-needed break and am finding time to collect back the other parts of my life that frankly I had started to let slide while in the throws of exams and remaining coursework last semester (i.e. not eating like a fool and taking time to relax with the family).

BUT STILL...

Let's hope this week works out a bit better. I'll try to post more to keep myself accountable to Blogland, for a change.

BTW, Son's 4th birthday party was great fun yesterday, as we celebrated with a handful of his friends and my Chicago-based family. I'll post a picture or two when I have them ready.

Needing to FOCUS!

Man I need to focus this week. I'm cracking the shell on the office cleanup, which is a good thing. Perhaps I'll post a picture of the place this week.

Next weekend is Son's 4th birthday, and my Chicago-based family will be joining us here in SCT this weekend. That means I need to get a bunch of stuff done this week. Where to start? I have much more reading to do, that's for sure. I wish I could read as fast as Lemming! But I also have a ton of interview transcriptions to finish up, and that takes much longer than I anticipated. I think I'm going to organize myself this way:

Day	# Hours for Study	Task
Monday	2	Finish review of Chickering & Reisser (1993) & choose readings for the week
Tuesday	8	Transcribe like mad in the AM; read articles in the PM
Wednesday	2	Read articles
Thursday	4	Transcribe
Friday	4	Read!

Yeah, OK Rob. Sure. Let's hope we can stay so focused this week. I do have this new Harry Potter book staring at me on my dresser, right underneath the newest Grisham novel I'm finishing up...hmm.

Yeah, I guess that's sorta accurate

Take the What High School
Stereotype Are You? quiz.

I'm interested in how Hugh would score, being that we attended the same school.

Gearing up for a whole lot of nuthin'

Oy. It's Friday afternoon, and I've probably put in a total of about 5 or 6 hours on my dissertation, limited to my day off from work on Tuesday. I've got to figure out a better way to focus. I guess I've been enjoying my lack of coursework this summer a bit too much, however I do think I deserve some relaxation.

Last night I reviewed my self-imposed schedule, and I realized, in disbelief, that my first deadline is coming up three weeks from today! THREE WEEKS?? Great Scott! Fortunately, knowing myself as well as I do, I padded that deadline a bit. That paper is supposed to be done at the end of the summer, which of course is not for another six weeks.

Ooh...I shouldn't have said that about the remaining six weeks of summer. Am trying to live in the present and ENJOY the summer! OK, I'll stop now.

Gearing up

I've been sluggish with my dissertation work this past week. It's probably a combination of getting back from a nice week away coupled with a general feeling of "what am I about to walk into?" with this new lifestyle post-coursework and pre-dissertation-proposal approval. Basically, I need to spend the rest of the summer reading, and I have not read a thing related to The Diss all week.

Today I'm finally feeling the focus and drive to (drum roll, please) CLEAN MY OFFICE. Yup. Gotta do that again. I do it at the end of each semester. I've even purchased a real live recycle bin ($3.99 at Local Office Supply Chain) so I can feel like I'm doing my part to be environmental. I'm determined to have a workable space by the end of the weekend. Next week I start my "normal" work schedule of 20 hours at my assistantship and 20 hours on The Diss. Let's hope I can stay focused with all of this unstructured time to myself. It'll be an interesting transition.

We're also gearing up for Son's fourth birthday, two weeks from today. My Chicago-based family will be in town, and I suspect we'll invite just a few of Thomas's classmates from preschool and their parents. Should be fun: a Baby Einstein theme.

Stay cool this weekend. The Midwest is scorching this time of year.

Fireworks

It is DRY in Small College Town this summer. I say this because my idiot neighbors in the more-upscale neighborhood behind my own (!!!) were setting off HUGE illegal fireworks, leaping over their house and landing on the dry tree line that separates my yard from theirs. Any fireworks that leap into the air are illegal in this part of the world. Note the time now: this started just before Midnight. Wife was awakened, and I had been snoozing as well.

So, like a good citizen I called the county sheriff. No, I don't have the exact address: it's dark out and I live on a different street. Why the neighbors up on that street didn't call, I'll never know. (These neighbors have disturbed the neighborhood before: blasting a note on a trumpet at 1AM, setting off fireworks the past two summers. At 8:30 PM tonight, a chain-saw noise was coming from this house when Son was going to bed. Who in the world ARE these people?)

The fireworks continue when I'm on the phone with the dispatcher. After hanging up, I get into my car and drive over there myself, curious if I'd actually see anything. My blood is mildly percolating.

I find a kid at the foot of his driveway, not more than 11 or 12 years old, with a HUGE firework in hand. I informed him the fireworks had awakened my family, was creating a fire hazard, and I had called the sheriff. My tone of voice wasn't as pleasant as that last sentence reads, nor was the language as eloquent. He said, "Sorry," like he didn't mean it very much, and then shouted to someone I couldn't see in the garage to say the police were coming. An "adult" male voice in the garage said "OK we'll stop."

Across the street, a car is parked in another neighbors driveway that says "County Fire Department." Nice. Why in the world THAT person didn't do something about this, I'll never know. I'd be surprised if they didn't hear the noise.

You know, when I was 11 or 12, I was asleep at midnight unless I had a group of friends staying over and we'd be up watching movies or bad late-night TV. This situation tonight was depressing. I shudder to think about home life for that kid.

And why was I the one who made the call when this was happening practically in the middle of another street where a fire-fighter apparently lives??

I guess it's a sad comment on citizenry and society today. Why my neighbors cannot respect each other, and also watch out for each other, I'll never know. It could be a phenomenon in this neighborhood, but I wonder if it's a change in our society in general? When I was a kid, the neighbors were our friends. We watched out for each other. We played together. We didn't do things to each other that was disruptive in the middle of the night: that was left to a group of obnoxious kids or the rare criminal. But the homeowners themselves and their families? Dogs don't defecate in their own spaces, so why would a resident mess up his own neighborhood?

Perhaps Chester could teach my neighbors, and even our society, a lesson or two.

Back Home Again

We had a good time with my Grandmother of Great Age (GoGA), and Son did quite well on the trip. I think GoGA was pleased to see her great-grandson, even though there were times that she probably thought he'd make her house fall down during his "explorations" in the bathrooms, the laundry machines, and so forth. When we ventured out into town, Son enjoyed exploring the various beaches. This picture was taken at the beach across the road from GoGA's house at low tide, a personal favorite spot of mine. When I was Son's age, I learned the differences among oysters, scallops, and clam shells at this beach. In addition, my sister and I used to shout, "Eewww...seaweed!" when we'd step in something slimy. It was a neat experience to show Son these things last week.

Watching an elderly relative age is an interesting phenomenon, and it was with a mixed emotions that we completed this visit. On the one hand, we're thankful for her long life and ability to stay in her own house. On the other hand, we're torn between helping her navigate her old age and allowing her to make her own decisions. Not an easy time, but it was well worth the time spent.

And now it's back to reality and society, but I'm excited to get back on track with the dissertation proposal. Did I MENTION I finished classes? Ha ha. I'm finally at the point I've looked forward to for so long: twenty hours of work per week are my only scheduled time blocks now. The rest of the time is all mine for working on The Book. That scares me just a bit. Perhaps it's just like stepping in icky seaweed: you never know what you're stepping in till your foot is all the way under.

Ew.

Made it through the tollgate

Honestly, I still can't believe I'm done with classes. Wait, did I MENTION I'm done with classes now? The last class, fortunately, was VERY informative and gave me plenty of tools to apply to educational practice.

Now I'm catching up on some things at work and getting ready to go "over the river and through the woods" to my grandmother's house, quite literally, next week. Am looking forward to the time away from SCT and hanging out with "Gram."

After the trip, I feel like I'm starting a new chapter of the doctoral experience. No more course syllabus: it's all up to me to read, write, read, read, write, and write some more. I actually can't wait. I keep hearing Wise Old Program Advisor's voice, "This is the last time in your life that you're going to be a full-time student; may as well take advantage of it." Sounds OK to me.

Full Moon - How Appropriate!

Full moon
Originally uploaded by Allseasons.

Gorgeous moon picture here by "allseasons." Tomorrow (Tuesday) is technically when the full moon will be, but the moonglow tonight on my back deck was most inspiring, relaxing, awe-striking. It's most appropriate for the evening, as I'm composing this final paper for my final class ever. It's the last due date not imposed by me. Wow: the future is looking pretty bright. I have a feeling of empowerment over my schedule for the first time in three years. I also have a feeling of an upcoming immense responsibility to myself to actually focus and pump out this "book" I'm endeavoring to write.

I've heard full moons make odd things happen. Let's hope the only odd thing here is that I finish up this paper on time!!! And most of all, I hope for as smooth a transition as possible into my newfound wide spans of unscheduled time, after tomorrow night.

Father's Day Picnic

Father's Day 2005 011
Originally uploaded by chesterley.

Happy Father's Day. Not a great picture of me here, but Son looks like his normal fantastic self. Of course, who wouldn't be happy with a home-made chocolate chip cookie in hand?

We had a nice time at one of the local parks here in town. Son and I took a little nap right after lunch before getting up and running around the park itself. He enjoyed running through the frisbee golf course (glad there weren't too many around!) and Wife enjoyed how Son took so easily to going down the big slide all by himself. All in all, a very good day was had by all so far.

I've finally figured out how to post pictures and things into the blog (at least I think I did) and wrap text around them (at least I think that works), so perhaps I'll start putting up a few pics from time to time. Part of me is interested in documenting photos of my world online. I have no idea why I'm attracted to this notion. Probably because I've read others' photo blogs and it's cool to learn about other parts of the world.

I'm a nerd.

A Nice Evening/Travels with Son

Tonight was a nice evening: we went to the Taste of Small College Town, modeled after the Taste of Chicago, though MUCH MUCH MUCH smaller. For those who may not know about Taste of Chicago, basically it's a sampling of many of the town's restaurants in one central location, selling low-priced samples of their food. There's usually a band in the background (tonight's was a good Reggae band) and plenty of people having a good time. We got to sample good food from restaurants we've not yet hit here in SCT. The variety and high quality are impressive for a small town in the middle of the Midwest!

A fun time was had by all, including Son who neither screamed nor had any trouble understanding what was going on (so it seemed). This good experience was very well-timed, because just this morning we booked a trip to visit my 97-year-old grandmother who lives in a remote part of New England, still in her own home near the coast. For various reasons we've not seen her in a year-and-a-half, and it's high time to go there soon. We're a little nervous about chasing Thomas around a house that's not remotely child-proof, but we'll arrive armed with doorknob protectors and other things to keep him corralled inside. Should be a good trip, and if tonight's outing is any indication of how he'll do on the road, then I have no worries.

Yeah right. No worries from Me? I laugh vigorously in disbelief!

Paradigm Shift

Well, I did it. I now officially have a chair for my dissertation, may she remain at Large Midwestern University forever (Lemming, 2005).

And now I have a bit of a paradigm shift with my schedule. I had planned on finsihing my proposal this summer, collecting data in the fall, and writing the results and conclusions up next spring with the hope of defending the whole thing early in the summer.

Not the case anymore. I've changed my topic several times and got stalled earlier this spring. Life happens. I still have a ton of reading, processing, and just plain ole thinking to do. the fantastic thing about my dissertation chair (wow, it's nice to be able to say that I have one) is that she understands how life happens and is understanding of my need to explore topics, research questions, etc. At the same time, she's also aware that "a good dissertation is a completed dissertation," I think she'll help me to stay on track. Best of all, her area of expertise is right up my alley, and she's supportive of letting me explore my own ideas.

A dissertation proposal tends to consist of the first three chapters: 1) the introduction, 2) the review of the literature, and 3) the methodology. I need to have these three chapters completed before I present them to my dissertation committee. Once I successfully defend the proposal, then I can start to collect data (in my case, start to interview undergraduates about my research topic).

I'll aim to keep to a schedule that looks somewhat like the the table, below (want to hear God laugh? Tell him (or her) your plans!):

Proposal Writing Schedule

Date	Task
Friday, 8/5	A completed write-up of the pilot study I started this spring (thus removing the incomplete grade from my record)
Friday, 8/26	A draft of the lit review chapter (ch. 2), which will be an outgrowth of completing the pilot study
Friday, 9/30	A draft of the methodology chapter (ch. 3)
Friday, 10/21	A draft of the introductory chapter (ch. 1)
Friday, 11/11	Complete edits, and submit Proposal to Committee. Arrange defense date
Friday, 12/9	Defense better be completed by today!

Another morning at the cafe

I am TRYING to get myself into a couple of regular routines. First, get up and write something every day. Second, get up and exercise.

So, here I am at Favorite Cafe in SCT, complete with the free wireless connection, eating organic food and attempting to finish the penultimate paper for class OF MY LIFE (have I mentioned this is the last class of my life?). I guess I'm shooting toward Goal 1 today. This paper was due a while back, but I was sick and still haven't finished it. It's just not a very hard paper, but I'm having trouble getting focused. This leads me to Goal 2 of exercising...

It would be nice to get back into a regular exercise routine again. It's been a long while since I've done this, and frankly it shows. I'm considering starting another blog about health, but that may be sharing a little too much information. We'll see how it goes. Needless to say, after being so damn sick a couple of weeks back, along with having just a general lack of energy and motivation, perhaps if I get my @ss in gear then I'll get a few other things in my life more focused. I'm not looking to be a model or anything (that wouldn't be possible! lol), but fitting into clothing a bit better and being able to focus the brain a little better would be nice.

OK, am probably sharing too much information here, but it's on my mind and I wanted it to get out somewhere...yet another reason why I have this blog, I suppose.

Beat the Rainstorms

Just drove back from a weekend trip to Chicago to visit the family. A big series of rainstorms are on their way in now, so it's good to be safe & sound back here at Chesterley, the house. And now it's time to update Chesterley, the blog.

The occasion for our trip was Nephew No. 2's baby-naming ceremony (in lieu of a briss...ouch!). It was quite nice. He has his own first name, and his middle name is in memory of my father who died about a year-and-a-half ago. It was a nice touch. Lots of relatives from all sides of my sister's family were in town, so it was a pretty big deal. Son did well with the crowd, which is a new thing for him. It was nice to have a party experience that did not end up with us leaving in a big hurry; Son actually seemed attentive to the others who were there. It was nice progress to see.

And now I'm gearing up a for an eight-day run of finishing up THE LAST CLASS OF MY LIFE (have I mentioned this is the last class? ha ha) on Tuesday 6/21. After that will be very nice, and very weird, to only have 20 hours of my week scheduled with work at my assistantship. The rest of my time will be filled with either family commitments or time that I get to schedule myself for dissertation work. Can't wait!

Farewell, Good Friend

I had lunch today with a good friend of mine (let's call him Jake) who is moving away from Small College Town. I am proud of Jake, for he has survived one of the roughest years of his life. Moving away from here will be one of the best things for him. He needs to find a way to start his life over.

In some ways Jake was a personal mentor to me when we first met, as I respect his intellect, his wisdom, and his personality in general. His manner of working with a group of people is remarkable; he is able to note various points of view while facilitating disagreement among others in a civil manner that allows folks to just be themselves and communicate.

The rough spots this past year caused him some personal losses. However, watching the recovery process has been remarkable and makes me respect him even more. It's almost been a rebirth of sorts that is not only truly impressive to watch, but it is also encouraging to me during my own life journey. He was an inspiring force for me during a very low time in my life.

I will miss Jake a great deal, and I must admit it breaks my heart to see him leave. Part of joining the academic world involves getting to know good colleagues and other related friends, only to see them leave toward brighter pastures a few years later. I'm not sure I like this part of academia. On the one hand, I'm so very happy for Jake as he moves on with his life. On the other hand, I already feel a great hole within the small group of people I consider to be my close friends in Small College Town. Student life can be a bit of a lonely wilderness. It's difficult to see people leave this journey earlier than I'd like, but I am excited for the next journey that's about to begin.

Jake, until we meet again: hold your head up high, keep focused on your family, and smoke a couple of stogies once in a while to keep it all in perspective!

Why Do You Blog?

A good friend of mine from College, Elsie, called me last week. We hadn't spoken in a long time, as is the norm for many of my long-standing friendships of late. I'm not proud of that, so I'm always thankful when an old friend calls up and says, "Rob, where the hell have you been?"

Elsie reads this blog regularly, though she herself does not have her own spot of cyber-space. Last night she asked a question that I will attempt to answer here, and then I'm going to pass it onto my other blogging buddies. She asked:

"Rob, why do you blog?"

I started this blog as an exercise in writing, in preparation for my qualifying exams and now for my dissertation itself. I had always wanted to start a personal journal, but I never stuck with it. For me, I need the motivation of knowing others may read this stuff in order to keep adding to it. The act of writing has always helped me to organize my thoughts. I wanted to improve the speed at which I could organize my thoughts and communicate those to others in a manner that (hopefully) doesn't put people to sleep. I think it's worked so far: the papers I've written for my classes have gone along more smoothly, I believe, because writing has become part of my regular routine. I hope this improvement translates into the construction of my dissertation proposal

There is a curious, yet understandable, divide between the reality-world and the cyber-world. Elsie asked me if she should call me to say hello and see how I'm doing, or if she should just read the blog. I encouraged her to call! She is an in-person part of my life, and this blog is really just certain snippets of my life. This discussion does raise another question: why do I choose to place certain items from my personal life in this blog? For me, the events of my life influence the way I write, and even the subjects about which I write. There is an inseparable connection between the two. So, perhaps I blog not only to practice my writing but also to practice thinking out loud and organizing my thoughts.

So (drumroll, please) I have two questions for my fellow blogging buddies. Please help Elsie understand all of this and respond when you have a chance on your own blogs (or here as a comment, if you prefer):

1. Why do you blog?
2. How do you choose the subjects about which you blog?

I'll pass this onto Lemming, John B., Hugh, and Joe. Elsie, check out their sites in the next week or two (I think some are on vacation now).

Thanks for reading (and responding!).

Nephew No. 2

My sister had her second child in the middle of last week. All parties involved are doing well. I love being an uncle; no, it's not as much fun as being a dad, but it's pretty darn cool nonetheless. Nephew No. 1, at age 3, calls me "Unca Rob." I love that!

Next Sunday is the baby-naming ceremony in Chicago. It will involve a slew of relatives from my family and from that of my sister's husband. I think the naming of relatives is funny. For example, the guy married to my sister's husband's sister is the brother-in-law of my brother-in-law. That's how we're starting to introduce ourselves to others: "This is 'Joe,' my brother-in-law's brother-in-law." I told my cousin about the arrival of Nephew No. 2, and her daughter was excited to have a new cousin. Does she realize this is a second cousin? Does she realize I'm her first cousin once-removed? Where do we come up with these names??

Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways?

Can you TELL that my friend Ida Wanna is visiting me tonight as I attempt to write a paper??

Ah, much better

Yesterday I STILL wasn't feeling better. I was pretty bummed I wasn't attending the one conference I had been looking forward to for months, and I still felt quasi-drunk for days due to this weird sinus infection. I was beginning to think I had a brain tumor. That's only half-heartedly a joke; I really didn't know what the hell was up with my head. I'm not one to complain about feeling sick, and I hate sitting around waiting to get better. This particular illness has SUCKED, as nothing was draining out of my head (gross, I know, but true).

Our son has had craniosacral therapy (CST) on a regular basis for the past year. I can usually tell that he's worked with her because he seems more 'present'. He's more calm, more focused, and just generally more 'with it' when I come home from work/school. All she's doing is laying her hands on certain parts of his body: his back, his legs, and especially his head. It's interesting to watch, because he REALLY likes this person and is practically showing her where her hands should go. Then he sort of squirms around a bit, and later feels better like he's releasing pent-up energy. I was a little skeptical at first, but he seems no worse for the wear: quite the contrary! We think the pent-up energy is related to his rough birth (I'll spare you the details for now).

Yesterday I was feeling so lousy, Wife recommended I ask if CST Woman could work with me. Last night I went to her home where she sees clients regularly. A one-hour appointment lasted almost 90 minutes. I feel SO MUCH BETTER. This will sound weird, but it's like I re-lived every head trauma I had ever experienced during my 34 years. I felt the pain, and then I felt them leaving my head. All she was doing was holding my head, my legs, my back, etc. in different positions. No pressure was placed on these areas; rather, my body just reacted.

Any skepticism I may have had about CST is now gone. This is the first time in weeks where I've not felt a pressure on my head. Truly amazing.

Nagging Headache

Man do I have a headache! I've had this headache over my left eye for the past 3 weeks or so. Finally went to the doctor on the Memorial Day holiday (PromptCare to the rescue!) after feeling dizzy & nauseous and was diagnosed with a sinus infection lodged way up in my head along with the first migraine of my life (which would explain the Gremlin-like abhoration of 'bright light!').

As a result of all this, I cancelled a trip to Atlanta last night - was supposed to attend a conference I've been looking forward to for months (NASPA Student Affairs Assessment & Retention Conference). SUCKS that I can't be there! Though I suppose I'm saving myself from an exploding sinus cavity somewhere over the Appalachains. I've never been to Atlanta, and I have two cousins who live there, so I was looking forward to everything about this meeting.

*sigh*