At Long Last

Alright. At long last, I am finally finished with that bear of a results chapter!!! I've sent it off to my two mothers (my mom and Wife's mom) for a good thorough edit. My mom is a longtime educator, and Wife's mom is a brilliant editor. I'm certain both will provide excellent feedback.

Now I no longer have to resist temptation to go back to the beginning and edit the front half. I'm finally doing it. I've changed my mind on the order of my tasks. I was going to draft Chapter the Sixth next. However, I figured that editing the front half first will better prepare me to write the concluding chapter, since it will put the reasons for doing the study in the first place (!!!) fresh in my mind.

I did work a bit more on Chapter the Sixth yesterday, though. I ran my theory (MY theory?) by PR3 yesterday afternoon. PR3 helped me respond to the three questions DC posed when she gave me feedback last week by basically agreeing with my thoughts and providing logical reasons for why she agreed. So now I actually believe I'm not just making up this stuff off the top of my head. Swell!

Once I see how long the editing takes me today, I may be able to map out when I'll continue onward with drafting Chapter the Sixth.

A bit more feedback

I mentioned in my last post that I shared the outline for the final chapter along with the theoretical model for...um...my (my??) theory. I've not shared that with very many people at this point, so I'm surprised the act of sharing it with DC didn't cause me much angst. Probably a sign that I just want this thing to be finished.

Anyhow, she wrote back within 24 hours and asked me three very helpful questions about the model that she'd like me to answer within the context of the chapter. She also encouraged me to make my case in the explanation. So, I guess that means she's supportive and wants to learn more about the theory. I mean, about MY theory. Still getting used to that. She ended her e-mail with, "Good work," so I suppose this puppy is mine to finish, at this point.

Moving Onward to Chapter the Sixth

Today I got up enough courage to ask if DC had received my latest draft that I sent on July 12. I also said I was looking at the front half of the dissertation, putting it in the past tense, and writing about what happened (as opposed to what will or could happen, when I wrote the proposal).

It was strange that I hadn't heard anything from her, not even a "I got it," type of e-mail after sending the draft.

She responded within 10 minutes saying,

I'm working on it right now!!! Did you sense me? I think it's in good shape, my comments are minor. What you are doing with the front half is perfect. I'll send feedback in a bit.

And she did. And indeed, it was minor...but it also helps to improve it a great deal. So this is good!

She then asked, "Anyway, how is chapter 6 going?" I sense she wants me to finish. What more could one ask for from a chair? I gave her the outline of what I'm working on at this point, and even my theoretical model which I've already completed. Perhaps I'll hear back on this part soon.

I may hold off on the literature update, in spite of what I said in my last post. We'll see. Or, I may just do it as part of my overall edit, too, if it doesn't take too much time. Not sure yet.

Next task is to get the last chapter drafted. Wow. That's pretty swell.

Anticipatory Revisions

I like my new blog design so much that it makes me want to write up here more frequently. But I'm not sure what to say at this point, so I'm just rambling.

I had lunch with a friend today, and his perspective calmed me down a bit about what I perceive is a lack of communication from DC due to the fact that it's summer. See, I hear that there are a few other things that may be expected of me before my dissertation defense, but I'm not hearing about them from DC. Instead, they're coming from peers. These things are good, reasonable tasks that I can understand needing to do, but I don't know why DC has neglected to tell me these details. I suspect it's a factor of no longer living in SCT. Out of sight, out of mind. Perhaps.

Anyhow, the perspective is this: Why don't I just anticipate that DC WILL eventually clue me into these details in the future, and go ahead and tackle some of these things myself. That way, it won't be a big deal later on, and perhaps she'll just gloss over this stuff since it's already done. For example, I wrote the literature review chapter in late 2006 and early 2007. If other relevant articles on my topic have been published since then, then I should include those in the dissertation as well. I don't plan to write a new chapter or anything, but it could be a simple task of just adding the references into something else I've already written, or maybe just a sentence or three on the newer articles. Call it an anticipatory revision. If I can pull in a few more things without being asked to do so, then perhaps DC will just say, "OK, good, you've done it," instead of spending a great deal of time on it later. When I'm even more stressed.

Yeah. That's it. Especially now that I'm in a holding pattern on this @#$% results chapter anyhow.

There. I started writing without a topic in mind, and I ended up working something out in my head. This was good.

Bye.

Bad Dreams

I was up half the night last night, stressed about TFD. I've not actually lost sleep over my doctoral work in quite some time. I guess the reason for this is that for the time being, my progress on the dissertation is out of my hands. DC has my third draft of chapter 5, and I've not yet received acknowledgement that she even received it, let alone is even reading it at this time. It's summer. Professors are under no obligation to read over the summer. OK, OK, I get it. Hearing something, anything, even a "I can't get to this right now, Rob," would be better than silence.

So my dreams went something like this: DC doesn't even start reading the chapter till next month, and then later on she tells me I need to go back to chapter 2 and add a new section of literature because it's been so long since I wrote that chapter. And then chapter 5 still isn't right. And I haven't yet finished writing chapter 6. Oh yeah, and I do have to work. And, did I mention I'm going to have a new boss in about two weeks?

Hate to say it, but I can't wait for the summer to end.

(image credit: http://www.wolfescape.com/Humour/WorkStress.htm)

Clearance to Land the Results Chapter

The pilot has received clearance to land Flight #3 of The Results Chapter by morning. He may be up half the night flying the plane, but this flight must land before the pilot goes to sleep this evening. The fuel tank is just about on empty, the flaps are down, and the passengers are getting pissed off.

UPDATE: I managed to land the plane at 12:38 AM Monday. That's really not all that late. Glad it's out of my hands...for now. Let's hope this latest version passes DC's inspection.

What happened to June?

LOL

What happened to May??

Clearly it's been a bit of a crazy month, seeing that my last post was May 1. Commencement, May 7, was good fun, and it was great to have the family in town. I admit the entire thing was a bit odd, seeing that I'm not yet done with the doctorate, but it was an enjoyable, and I admit monumental, event nonetheless. The speech at commencement went well, as far as I can tell. It was tough to get feedback in that environment, but I think it was well-received. I'd do something like that again! LOL

I turned in a second draft of the results chapter to DC just prior to commencement, and she was pleased to receive it. Two weeks later I received edits from her that said I need to move around major sections and tighten it up a bit. Guess I'm almost there. The process has been exhausting, though. It wasn't till after I had written the first draft that she mentioned I needed to answer my basic research questions in this chapter. I thought that was to come in the Discussion chapter, and this one was only a reporting of the results. It would have been helpful to have known that tidbit sooner! So the second draft included my responses to the research questions embedded into the already-existing chapter. DC's feedback on the second draft was that I now I need to re-organize the chapter so it more clearly focuses on the research questions, like as part of the basic structure of the chapter. Seriously? Again, would have been helpful to have known this at the beginning of this process!!! Oh well. Plug away I must, and today should be a good afternoon for doing as such. Hey, that rhymes. Kinda.

It occurs to me that we get to the end of writing these ginormous dissertations only to realize that we've never done this sort of work before and need some hand-holding on how to finish. That seems a bit backward, though. Sort of embarrassing, honestly. My chair's expectations don't quite appear to match up with the way I was led through the coursework. We don't have a very structured program at LMU, so I guess I can understand that there are different expectations from different professors. Still, it's odd that I get this far into the process, and I have to ask questions like, "How do you expect the last chapter to be structured?"

Good-bye, May. Hello summer.

Gearing upwardly

The post would have been called "gearing up," but I thought it would be better to end on an adverb instead of a preposition. Right, Donovan? :-)

Am going to try working from the home office/prison today. It's a temperate, yet soggy, day outside, and I don't feel like going out there. My writing buddies are doing other things this weekend, so I'm locking myself upstairs here at home. I mowed the lawn yesterday, fortunately avoiding today's rain, so I don't have that hanging over my head or anything. We do need to clean and dust this house before the entire family arrives next week. Oh well: tomorrow for that.

Commencement is now officially less than a week away. It should be fun, though I will feel like an impostor. I will admit, I don't see the point of participating right now. However, it has at least kept me focused on making really good progress these last couple of months, so I suppose it'll be worth it. My speech is written, and I've been practicing it here and there. Should be fun. But I'm still an impostor!

I'm becoming bored blogging about my dissertation. I'd rather write about something else. Guess I should finish up here pretty quick. I'm random today.

Still editing

It's been a crazy-busy week at work, so I've made slower-than-desirable progress on my edits due to sheer exhaustion at night. I'm in the library with my writing peeps today, so hopefully their presence will keep me focused get through these things today. More on that later.

As it turns out, I was elected to speak at the commencement ceremony in just under two weeks. I was pleasantly surprised. Should be good fun.

I attempt to ignore the fact that I'm missing an Autism Day activity a local historic museum near our home. Next year, damnit, I'm there.

Editing Weekend / Commencement Preparations

Hi Blog,

Wife and Son went out of town this weekend, so my task is editing chapter 5. I took yesterday off from Work-work so I could do dissertation-work, and well, it worked! Got a good amount done in the library.

Today I've been a little lazy in that I did a few things around the house this morning and had a late lunch. Buckling down now for hopefully the next four hours or so to do more editing. Plan on doing the same later tonight and tomorrow before the fam comes home. It would be GREAT to have these done this weekend.

I've heard back from two of my three peer reviewers, both of whom gave me very helpful feedback that I will try and incorporate into this chapter. I'll also need to write up the details of that whole process in chapter 3, the method chapter, before long. The third reviewer told me she's working on things this weekend, so that's good.

So, it's all moving along. Meanwhile, I've ordered my cap and gown for commencement, which is coming up in less than three weeks. That's a bit surreal. I also learned I was nominated to speak at our department commencement ceremony, so my name will be placed on the ballot for that voting process among my colleagues. It would be a pleasure to do it, but if I don't get voted into the role, then I will gladly listen to whomever wins. It doesn't matter to me all that much, though it's certainly an honor to even be nominated.

Bye blog.

Edits

On editing the results chapter...

One of the many things I enjoy about working with DC is that she does not edit for grammar. Rather, she edits for concepts. She expects me to have the grammar part covered. Fortunately, I'm a decent writer, so I'm confident I can repair the grammar. I would rather spend the precious-little time with my dissertation chair discussing concepts rather than grammar.

That being said, receiving "a handful" of edits from my chair is more like climbing a mountain of them! I'm working my way uphill steadily, though, and perhaps I'll be able to start descending said mountain by the end of this weekend? Would be nice.

Sick of it

I am sick of talking about my dissertation with other people. It's getting humiliating, actually. Not the work itself, but the time its taken me to complete it. Technically I'm two years ahead of my final deadline, which for me as a last-minute type of guy is a pretty big deal. Still, I'm sick of the judgmental looks I get from people when they ask about it. I'm sick of sharing small personal victories for myself about my progress that no one else really seems to believe are that big a deal. It feels like I'm being looked down upon when I talk about the progress I'm making, even though my progress has been decent lately. For example, instead of being happy for me that I've received feedback on this second-to-last chapter, and that it went well, I have seen colleagues roll their eyes. Or, they simply say nothing. Perhaps they are skeptical that I'll ever finish. Perhaps they wonder why I'm still bothering to work on this. I've even seen others literally fall asleep right in front of me when I do discuss the finding or the progress I am making, even when they were the ones who asked. Apparently, I have that effect on people. When did I become boring?

It hardly makes me want to walk at graduation because I won't be finished by then, and I don't think anyone is really going to understand that.

At this point, I'd rather end all of this dissertation stuff quietly, without anyone knowing about it, without all the pomp and circumstance, without hearing all the, "Finally," or, "At last!" comments I'm going to hear. I guess they'd be well-meant comments, but really, I don't think I'll want to hear that shit. From my point of view, I'm going as quickly as I can and still maintain a decent life at home and at work. This is not my top priority, and it never has been. The fact that I've still stuck with it, for me, is a pretty big deal.

So perhaps it's easier if I just stop talking about it till about a month or two after it's all over and done. I dunno, though. Wish I were better about keeping my big mouth shut.

Findings Chapter Feedback

I had a good conversation with DC on Monday about my findings chapter. She said, "For a first draft of a findings chapter, this is quite good. All of the data are there. I've seen worse. But you still have a lot of work to do."

I don't think I could ask for more, honestly. I realize I have a lot of work to do, but at least I'm not starting over on a 45-page chapter.

It's funny: I honestly don't know what I'm doing with any of this. I'm literally learning about it as I go through it. It's funny what you learn in coursework, and what you don't. I know how to conduct a research study from start to finish. I even know how to write up the results. But writing up a dissertation is apparently an entirely different thing, and I've obviously never done this before. So, there were a few things I left out of first draft because I thought they should be written about in the closing chapter. Apparently I was wrong. OK then. At this point, I'll pretty much just do whatever I'm told to get this done. It would have been nice, however, to have been told how to structure these last two chapters before I started on them in the first place!!! Ah well. After Monday's conversation, I think I've got a better handle on how to finish up this fucker.

In other news, I learned that my minor advisor (and committee member) retires at the end of this year. Good for him! Fortunately, a possible defense date either this summer or next fall will not conflict with his retirement plans, so apparently all is still well. However, it is yet another sign that I simply need to finish up very soon.

Starting Sucks

I hate starting to write something. I have learned to overcome this hatred by just starting to write whatever is on my mind, as if I was telling it to someone who gives a rat's ass. Sometimes these start in the middle of a sentence, but I don't give a crap. I keep writing, knowing I'm going to have to go back and edit out the shittiness at a later date anyhow.

So I've started the last chapter. It sucks, but it's started. And now I can move on through completion.

I haven't posted photos from the bath renovation here just yet. And, I may or may not do so soon. So far it's looking good. They are moving faster than I expected, which is pretty amazing. Also, they are CLEAN. Our garage, where the supplies are being stored, is cleaner now than before the guys started. No joke.

Back to it. I wish it were raining. Would make it easier to focus, knowing the weather sucks. Instead it's in the mid-60s and sunny. I don't want to talk about it.

Master Bath Renovation

Today Chesterley is getting a bit of a face lift, inside. We're starting on a renovation of the master bathroom. This is a good thing, seeing we've not used the shower stall in there for about 8 months. Fortunately it's not the only bathroom on the second floor.

We're really nervous about it. In prior fixes to things in this house, there's always something unexpected that pops up. We know something will appear here as well. We just hope it's not too much more expensive than what we've planned.

I'll post a few photos later.

Chester's 11th Birthday

Happy birthday, Chester! I can't believe you're 11 years old today.

This photo was snapped just after Christmas, a few months ago. Not a great picture of him, photographically, but it's what I have on me today, in my phone.

I still remember very clearly the day we brought him home from the farm where he was born. We were living in our two-bedroom apartment in a mid-size city in the Southeast. It's strange to reflect back on all that has happened in our lives since Chester joined our family, but it's really neat he's been with us the entire time. We're really lucky that for now he hops around the house as if he's still quite young. I do notice his stamina isn't quite what it used to be, but that's understandable for an old dog.

Here's to several more happy, healthy years with Chester!

Results Chapter Delivered

The editing took forever! That, and the fact that I had to change the spaces between sentences back from one space to two, due to the new APA style guide that was released last year. Pain in the ass, but it's done.

And you know, it doesn't suck. It's really not half bad. We'll see if DC agrees.

Onto the final chapter now. Wow, that's pretty damn cool.

2AM - not too bad

I finally finished writing around 1:00 AM. That took longer than I thought, but again this is not news to me. I decided not to include that one last section - it should be shoved into the Theory chapter anyhow.

I was cutting/pasting all these little Word docs into something bigger, but I was falling asleep at my desk. Ack! As a result, I feared I had cut/pasted things out of order, all over the place, in my sleep. Yikes! Fortunately I had a backup copy of one important piece I messed up, so I started part of it over.

Anyhow, it's 46 pages in a pretty raw, rough form. I will do the edits tomorrow morning and will plan to have it turned in by Noon. Whew!

Almost there

It's been a good, productive week. I've carved out time in my schedule to do both dissertation work and work-work. I've started using Twitter again (got a MUCH better app for my Damn Blackberry), so I can quickly post things up here I'd like to remember.

I have a small part of one section left to do this evening. That literally fell together quite quickly, during my last hour or so at the office today, after I had two meetings in a row. Where do I find the energy? Then, either I'm going to pull together the last section very quickly, or it'll be end up as part of the theory chapter. I haven't decided yet. Guess I should get on that soon.

When I'm done with the actual writing, I then need to pull together 12 small Word documents that I've been constructing into one big-ass document that will form the chapter in its entirety. I've been considering how I'll actually arrange all of these for some time now, so it may actually come together rather quickly. It's funny: I still don't know how many pages this chapter is going to be. That sort of cracks me up.

I may be up half the night, but that's alright. Honestly, there were some papers in my coursework that I started at 9:30 PM the night before they were due, and I would usually get A's. Tonight I'm much farther along, I'm just shooting for a draft to be done for tomorrow. No problem!

I'm not exaggerating when I say I have never been so relaxed going into An Evening before A Paper is Due in my entire academic career...and that's been a LONG career!!!!!!!!!!!!!