So I'm meeting with DC in about 10 hours. I think things are going to be fine.
Alright, let me clarify this concept called "fine." For every meeting I've ever had with her since the spring of 2005, I walk in feeling like a complete and utter idiot. I struggle through finding the words I need to attempt to express myself, in spite of my sheepish idiocy. I sweat profusely, have rampant bouts of self-doubt, I question how I was ever accepted into this doctoral program in the first place, the whole nine yards. I exaggerate for effect only slightly.
And yet, I always leave these meetings feeling like a scholar. A young, budding scholar, but scholarly nonetheless.
The reason for this is DC's consistent philosophy, which is simply stated like this: "Everyone has a theory." She respects my theory, always. To be clear, she continuously suggests manners in which the theory can be improved. I suspect I will realize the weight of the work I still have ahead of me as a result of this meeting, but I know inherently she will respect the work I have done thus far. Wish I felt that way on the surface as I prepare for this meeting, but deep down, I know it's going to be "fine."
BTW, I have started writing two chapters at once. I have a good number of pages of each. Why in the WORLD I'm writing two chapters at once is beyond me, but it just sorta happened that way.
I'm bringing several documents with me to this meeting: 1) the data analysis process I used [at some point I needed to write this out as a sort of bread crumb path-finding thingamabob so I'd remember what the hell I've been working on since last fall], 2) the big coding grid that snapped together like a deck of cards (I think she's going to like it), 3) my initial concept map with several of the key themes written in to help connect the various points in the study, 4) a very rough outline for the structure of the theory I'm constructing, 5) a rather random, yet important, paragraph I wrote during The Two Weeks that presents what I think is the major catalyst behind the theory, 6) my code writing list, or basically my to-do list for the theory chapter, 7) the beginning of chapter 4 on participants, and 8) the beginning of chapter 5 on the theory (much of which I wrote this morning (alright, technically Tuesday morning).
One may think I'm wasting my time by writing all this out in my blog, but it's actually helping me organize my thoughts for what the hell I'm going to actually discuss with DC tomorrow (today).
Again, I think it's going to be "fine." However, the process of getting there is going to kick my ass.