Monday, April 20, 2009

It's Either Hit or Miss

[unfolding portable soap box]

A rant:

I've decided that there are only a select few parents of children with autism disorder that I really like. It is definitely a hit or miss issue. It is a black or white thing (I'm not talking about race, rather it's simply an illustration of opposites). There is no in-between on this.

I see myself as one who typically looks for the bright side of things, probably to a fault (or at least to a point where I piss off the realists around me). I don't tend to dwell in absolutes, either. But with other parents of kids with autism, I have learned that they are either horrible, horrible people, or they are relatively easy-going people who are willing to lend a helping hand to another whenever possible.

We are all going through a long, rocky, foggy road with this disorder. I thought the commonalities would bind us together unconditionally. Instead, there is a constant competition on who has it harder, who has the better idea, who has the better treatment, and who can balance it all and not look like you've been run over by a Mack truck. Guess I had my standards set to high.

Why in the world should there be any competition among parents that share this in common? Why wouldn't we want to learn from each other? I suspect the answer lies within the realm of needing a locus of control. By definition we have less control over our children's progress and well being than parents of typical kids since we often cannot communicate with our children. I suspect many parents over compensate for this loss of control by pulling down their pants and crapping all over other parents, therapists, and others who merely attempt to lend a helping hand.

Well, I'm through with being nice about it. My sympathy has run out. I'm done. My defenses are up and will forever remain that way. I will assume the other parents of autistic kids are horrible people until they prove themselves otherwise. I think the disappointment in their selfishness will be easier to take that way. Then I will hold those other decent parents (yeah, like all two of them) as close as possible, so we can figure out a decent pathway on which to travel this road together. I may have very few friends as a result of this line of thinking, but at least I'll have my integrity and sanity about me.

Rant over.

[folding up portable soap box]


Jason266 said...

1.) Not a parent of an autistic child, but can understand, from my own perspective, exactly what you mean. You have every right to feel that way.

2.) Where do you get those wonderful toys? A FOLDING portable soap box?!? I gotta get me one of those!

lemming said...

I sense a rough morning.

Chin up, gadget or otherwise.

Rob said...

Jason, thanks - figured you of all people would get it. I think I will market the portable soap box for sale...could be a nice second income, especially among blogging types. ;-)

Lemm, thanks. It was a rough evening last night after a parent meeting at our son's school. Not a huge deal, but just disappointing. I'll get over it, especially with my new outlook on all this.

Anonymous said...

I suspect that those who are unhappy with their lot in life, having failed in their bid to achieve "best-dom," are compelled to excel at "worst-dom." They have to be very good at something.

You and the wife are very good at parenting an autistic child. You have my word on that.

Lemming 'rent