Thursday, July 20, 2006

I don't feel like it today

I'm feeling a push to get some work done today on the dissertation, but it's more of an external push than an internal one. External forces on me are telling me to get cracking on this, and yet I really don't give a rat's ass about it today.

Part of me feels like I have this great idea for the dissertation, one I've been working on quite a while. But the "work" hasn't been active work, it's been in my head. And my head as been buried in books, though a little half-heartedly I'll admit. My head as also been buried in recent family shit too (extended family, not Moose & Wife) , and that's taken a higher priority. And I suppose my priorities are in line. But when is the dissertation going to take on a higher priority? Not sure about that one. I mean, one may think it's good I'm not letting it take over my family life. But then again, I'm not getting it done, either, so what good is that?

At this point, I know I'm being too abstract with my conceptualization of the dissertation idea. I just need to narrow, focus, and get the study done. While I have a chapter 1 draft, it sucks so much that I won't let anyone else read it. Well, that's not very productive, is it?! So the goal now is to at least get some feedback on the fucker, even if it rips my heart and brain to shreds in the process. Feedback should help with the forward motion of the process. It's been a while since I've had any feedback, but then again I haven't produced much substance in order to obtain feedback.

Onward, then. I'm torn: do I indeed complete chapter 1 before I feel like I've done enough reading, or do I read some more too so I know what the hell I'm talking about? I think I'm going to keep reading and get a shitty draft of chapter 2 done. Then I can go back and tweak chapter 1. We shall see. Am not feeling very optimistic about all this today.

Off to the library...


lemming said...

Not that I'm any great role model, but hang in there. Do write, even if only ten minutes every day. It's a horrible process - Stephen King talks about the fear of the blank page, but pushing so hard that eventually you fall into it and become lost. Have you read his book about writing? It's VERY good and might help.

Rob said...

Yes you ARE a good role model! Good advice, lem. I've not seen that book...I'll have to grab a copy.