I started this post last week but haven't had the energy to finish it till now.
From Thursday 11/1/2012:
If you heard a large SPLAT today, it was likely the sound of my heart breaking once again for our child. Nine years ago we started a 529 savings account specifically for his college education. We figured it was the smart thing to do at the time, and we were fortunate to have a gift from my grandmother to start off a nice account for him. We find ourselves several years later coming to terms with the fact that we have no need to save for his college education. He's not going. Ever. It's done. Over. Here are a few data points to demonstrate that I am not selling my son short with the words in the preceding paragraph: He is 11 years old. He does not have the knowledge, skill or ability to pass kindergarten this year. He had three years of preschool that ended in 2007. He had a half-year of a self-contained kindergarten where he was the most compliant, quiet kid in the class and yet learned absolutely nothing. That was five years ago.
Since then, thanks to intensive ABA therapy, he has made a great deal of progress toward gaining independence, but none of these newer skills relate to any scholastic goals beyond age 3. He can feed himself, bring his plate to the sink, brush his teeth, go to the bathroom independently (about 92% of the time), and can respond to simple yes/no questions. He understands most of what we say, and fortunately he's just about the kindest, most honest, most patient person you'll ever meet. We're thankful for the therapy; almost lost that in a medical review by our insurance company, but fortunately they granted us the funding for another six months. Better soak up that therapy real well there, Buddy, at least till next April. No worries, we'll just cash out the 529 and use that money to pay for a few more months worth of therapy... Suffice it to say formal education is just one more dream we're simply needing to delete from our minds. Easier said than done. I have a Ph.D. in college, for God's sake, and my own kid won't complete high school. It's a very different view of the world, for certain.
Lately I've been diving into a thorough cleaning of the office/prison. This time I'm serious. I've really not been organized in this space in about 7-8 years. Funny thing is that I've only lived in this house for five. Yes, I literally packed a few boxes of unfiled/unpurged CRAP and moved it here to this house, and they have sat in the large closet this small bedroom is fortunate to have ever since. And, since then more unfiled/unpurged crap has accumulated in the room itself. I don't bother cleaning it because I'd have to clean it up in order for it to be cleaned. If you don't understand that last sentence, then you are probably a cleaner/neater person than I.
What's funny is that my brain prefers things to be organized. For some reason, however, I'm perfectly fine living among crap. Until now. Now I'm serious.
I've found all sorts of things, including bills going back five years (in the "shred me" box now) and even other things going back further ... I'm cleaning out old files in file cabinets so the crap I actually need to keep now can have a place to be filed. It's a vicious cycle...not filing because my file cabinets are too full. Sort of embarrassing, actually. So why the hell am I sharing this up here?
I suppose I'm starting to clean up my life just a bit as well. Work has become a pretty big burden more than something I enjoy, unfortunately. It's probably going to be time to make a change pretty soon. It's been five years, after all, and I never made a change when I finished the Ph.D. Something about that bugs me. A lot. So I plan for a change to happen in the next year. Not sure what or where, but something's gotta change. I'm even meeting with a career counselor next week to help with the whole thing. Should be a good move...far better move than just sitting on my ass in my unfiled crap.